Jesse Fernandez

Stay away from that Ray Molina guy on the “Performers” page. He’s bad news. Sometimes he gets a weird haircut. You can’t trust a guy like that. I’ve got a trustworthy face. I’m free of diseases. I donate to charity. Ray, on the other hand, is secretive, walks too slowly, and squints when he doesn’t need to. People who become friends with me appreciate my warm personality and my comfortably brisk walking pace. People who become Ray’s friends get cigarette smoke blown specifically and exclusively in their face forever. I don’t even smoke.